Every story and every loss is unique. Not all types of 1st trimester loss are listed here. But these are a good starting point if you want to understand more.

• The 1st trimester begins on the date of a woman’s last cycle and lasts through 12 weeks of her pregnancy. A positive pregnancy test can occur around 4 weeks. A heartbeat can be detected as early as 5 ½ weeks.

• A 1st trimester loss can include a chemical pregnancy, blighted ovum, or embryonic pregnancy (a fertilized egg who never develops further), miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy (fetus develops outside the uterus), or molar pregnancy (abnormal tissue growth).

• A missed miscarriage occurs when a baby has no heartbeat, but the mother’s body has not been physically miscarried. Other types of miscarriages you may hear are: threatened, inevitable, incomplete or complete.

Your friend is hurting. She needs people to love her, no matter how her grief looks. One of the most common phrases we hear from grieving moms is this: “I feel so alone.” People often avoid saying something to her out of fear that they’ll cause more pain. The grieving moms in our community often feel like people are tip-toeing around them or like they’re rushing, judging, or simply… forgetting her pain. Continuing to show up without judgment and with patience and care will be so important for the long haul.

For now, here are some ideas for you. Meet a practical need - offering something specific like setting up a meal train or dropping off a bag of groceries and toilet paper on her door step. Say something. Text her or send her a card saying, “I’m so sorry. I’m praying for you and I’m here to talk about it - or not talk about it - when you’re ready.” (It doesn’t have to be complicated!) Then pray for her. You can learn more about how to help with this free download, Part 1 of our Guide: How to Help a Grieving Friend by clicking here.

Every woman who loses a baby is different. So let’s start with what grief is. 

March of Dimes gives this really helpful definition: "Grief is all the feelings you have when someone close to you dies. You may find it hard to believe that your baby died. You may want to shout or scream or cry. You may want to blame someone. Or you may want to hide under the covers and never come out. At times, your feelings may seem more than you can handle. You may feel sad, depressed, angry or guilty. You may get sick easily with colds and stomach aches and have trouble concentrating. All of these are part of grief." 

When you’re grieving, you don't have to be afraid of grieving a certain way or not grieving a certain way. No feeling is “too much” or “not enough.” Everyone grieves differently, and that’s okay. It’s important that the grieving mom allows herself to feel as she’s feeling and know that those feelings may ebb and flow over time.

Many people find it healing to name their baby or give them a nickname. Some choose to keep the name private and some choose to share it, but whatever she decides, there’s no right or wrong answer. Not naming or not sharing her baby’s name doesn’t mean she loves him or her any less than someone who does.

Her baby’s life matters. No matter how short. Her baby has dignity & honor and is worthy to be celebrated. (Psalm 139:13-16) While sometimes it can feel like there’s a hierarchy to grief or suffering, there is no comparison. It doesn’t matter if she was the only person who knew she was pregnant, if she was only at x weeks, or whatever assumptions you’re making, her baby has inherent value and is loved beyond your imagination, and her grief is valid.