5 Ways to Support a Grieving Dad this Father’s Day
Father’s Day is approaching and we know that for many of you, you’re wondering how to even support the grieving dad in your life. While universally, everyone grieves differently, we have heard over the years a few common ways that dads feel most supported and we are sharing the Top 5 ways we think you can best support a grieving dad this Father’s Day.
If you are a friend or family member: We want you to know that dads grieve, too. It may not look the same as the mom, and it may not be how you would expect him to, but their grief is real and valid, and often they get overlooked as they (and others around them!) are caring for the mom. So we hope you at least step away knowing & remembering that dads grieve, too.
If you are a grieving mom: We want to encourage you to remember that everyone grieves differently. Repeatedly we hear from couples that they are surprised by that and how lonely that can feel on both sides. Learning to grieve together is a process, and we hope that this Father’s Day is one where you can enter in to your husband’s world and meet him with support that he needs, even if it’s different from you. What you wanted for Mother’s Day, he might not want. This isn’t a reflection of your grief or what you need. He may want to do a lot of things. He may want to do nothing at all. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love or miss his baby. It’s not good or bad – just different.
With that said, here are 5 Ways to Support a Grieving Dad this Father’s Day:
01. Ask him what he would find most helpful – in advance. Give him an out to not have to acknowledge it at all.
Not all dads want to acknowledge this day. And he doesn’t have to. Keep in mind that everyone grieves differently, and just because he doesn’t want to celebrate this day how you might want him to, or how you would want to be celebrated on Mother’s Day, doesn’t mean he isn’t going to be missing your baby or wanting to acknowledge his or her life.
Consider how you can take this time to be a LEARNER of the grieving dad in your life – and be willing to ask him, and receive his answers in a supportive way. He may need time to let you know what he wants to do, so ask in advance. Pay attention to him and even jot down a few notes in your phone. What does he actually want? How does he tend to grieve? Does he love a sentimental gift or would giving him something for one of his hobbies be more meaningful? Does he want to acknowledge the day, or not? If he does want to acknowledge the day, how? Does he need alone time? Time with just you? Time with a good friend? Time to talk? Time to do something together without talking about your baby or loss?
Some dads may want a special outing with the whole family, to host a cookout with friends, to wake up to a photo display or sentimental gift item from your baby, or even an evening to go watch a game or grab a meal with good friends. Other dads may prefer to carry on as usual, like any other Sunday. There is no right or wrong way to celebrate him this Father’s Day.
To hear what other dads are saying and have said in the past about their grief & about Father’s Day in particular, click here & you can listen to & read their thoughts!
02. Give him a card.
Sometimes cards at grocery stores or Target are not always the most sensitive or meaningful to dads who have been through what we’ve been through. You can always write your own card with a meaningful message to him, without any of the cheesy wording that could feel hurtful (blank cards are great for this!) OR you can download & print out this card, created just for him.
03. Buy him something meaningful.
Meaningful doesn’t have to mean something extravagant or sentimental, unless you think the grieving dad in your life would like that! Instead, consider what HE might actually like for Father’s Day – even something small, like something that’s worn out that needs replacing or something that he’s been frustrated with or saying he wished he had laying around, can help him feel seen.
You can also check out our Father’s Day Gift Guide here with ideas for what we think he would love! Again, it doesn’t have to be sentimental for it to communicate what he really needs to hear: I see you, and I love you.
04. Make or buy him his favorite meal.
This day may be hard for you, too, but think about what meal he may enjoy – even if it’s a simple takeout or reservation at his favorite restaurant. For many men, quality time over their favorite meal can speak volumes… even if you never talk about the baby you’ve lost. Get reservations in advance for Father’s Day, or even an evening surrounding that day, or plan on making him his favorite meal “just because.”
05. Ask a friend or mentor to say Happy Father’s Day to him.
Is there someone in his life who he trusts? A good friend, or a mentor, or a man in his family who he trusts? Reach out to him and ask him to text, call, or wish him a Happy Father’s Day. That simple gesture can go a long way in helping him to feel seen! And PS, if he doesn’t have someone who can wish him a Happy Father’s Day, share this video with him – from a grieving dad, created just for him as a grieving dad.
However you support the grieving dad in your life this Father’s Day, whether a big celebration or a small acknowledgement in a more “hidden” way, we hope you know that your baby, and his fatherhood, are valuable. He is so loved, and so are you!
Resources for the grieving dad
Free Printable Father’s Day Card
Download, print and give to a grieving father in your life. Remind him that he is loved and not forgotten this Father’s Day.