16 Ways to Celebrate & Honor Your Baby | Birthdays & Due Dates after Pregnancy or Infant Loss
Celebrating special days, such as birthdays, heavenly birthdays or due dates when your baby has died is incredibly challenging. We have talked about ways to celebrate (birthdays specifically) on the podcast and here on the blog before but I thought it might be helpful to put together a fresh list to give you ideas for navigating one of the more difficult aspects of life after the loss of a baby.
Remember, there is no right way to celebrate your special days. There is no perfect way either. And from my experience (11 years of birthdays and heavenly birthdays now) it is always hard — that’s normal. There isn’t something wrong with you. Don’t believe the lie that you should be further along in your grief by now. That just isn’t true.
Below I’ve listed out a few ideas for ways you could celebrate. But remember, doing absolutely nothing is ok too. If you decide to go in that direction, it doesn’t mean you love your baby any less. It just means that these days are hard and it’s ok to acknowledge that and do what feels best.
Three Helpful Tips
Having some kind of plan in place for the day has always been a help to me personally. A plan, even if the plan is to do stay in your pajamas and watch movies all day, is helpful at relieving a bit of the intense emotions the days before.
Just pick one thing. We can get so overwhelmed by trying to figure out the perfect way to honor our child that we have a hard time making decisions or making even a simple plan. And I definitely understand — nothing seems quite good enough for the baby we are celebrating. But there isn’t a perfect decision that will make this feel less hard. So feel the freedom to just do the thing that feels right and doable at this moment. It doesn’t have to be perfect to be really really special and meaningful. P.S. Whatever you do this year doesn’t have to become a forever tradition — feel the freedom to let the way you handle these days grow and change over the years.
Communicate your expectations with your partner, family and friends. “Baby’s birthday is coming up and I was thinking we could celebrate in this way. What do you think?” prevents added grief over miscommunication that can lead to frustration, anger, bitterness and hurt.
“Whatever you choose is perfect. Whether it’s a big thing or nothing, your love for your child is not in question. You are a good mom.”
16 Ways to Celebrate a birthday or due date
Light a candle. Invite friends and family to join in at a specific time and share a photo or video of them doing so with you. This Birthday Candle from Laurel Box is perfect for the occasion.
Start a book collection. Purchase a book that would be age appropriate to the age your child would be turning. Read the book. Write a letter to your baby and tuck it inside.
Plant something, a tree or a flower.
Have a mini birthday party with balloons and cake. You could even make a “We Love You Baby” sign that you bring out every year for this special day.
Give a donation to a meaningful charity.
Buy a birthday cake and deliver portions to your friends, with a note that says “Join me in Celebrating Baby ____ today!”
Buy a birthday cake and pay for the next person who comes in to buy a child’s birthday cake. Make sure to leave a card that says “A gift in memory of my son’s birthday. Love ______’s Mom”
Have a special release: butterflies, sky lanterns or balloons (make sure the balloons are biodegradable and no strings are attached). You could drop off lanterns or balloons at friends and family’s home and invite them to join in at a specific time.
Do a random act of kindness. Leave a card that says “A gift in memory of my son’s birthday. Love ______’s Mom.” Invite friends and family to do the same.
Wear a certain color all day that is meaningful to you. Invite friends and family to do the same.
Put together a memory box or making a photo book. Or look through an existing memory box or photo book.
Give gifts to a local children’s home, children’s hospital or Ronald McDonald house that are age appropriate for how old your child would be.
Do a service project. You could make tiny blankets, diapers or no sew hats for an organization called Teeny Tears. You can find all the instructions here: www.teenytears.org/making-items
Buy your favorite flowers. Or have them delivered!
Buy a piece of birthstone jewelry.
Write a letter to your baby. “Today you would be….” would be a great way to start such a letter.
Feel the freedom to invite your friends & family to join you in whatever way you choose to celebrate.
Set times to light candles, or drop off cake or balloons at their doorstep, ask them to wear a specific color, invite them to do a service project with you and send the instructions their way. No matter how you decide to honor this day, feel the freedom to invite those who love you into the moment. They may say no. They may not even respond. But they may say yes. And it feels so good to know that you are not alone on this day. And that you are not alone in loving, missing, remembering and celebrating your baby.
If they do join in, ask them to take a picture and video and send it your way — this will mean so much in this time of isolation and give the feeling of being together even if you aren’t physically present with each other.
If you are coming up on a special but difficult day, like a birthday or due date, I pray these ideas are helpful to you.
If you feel alone during this season, come join our free online community. Questions like “how should I celebrate my upcoming due date” are common in the group and women who have been there speak up, providing answers and hope and the acknowledgement that this is hard and of course, the simple reminder that you aren’t alone.