God Must Have Needed Another Angel & Other Cliche Things Christians Say About Baby Loss & Grief | Part 02
ARTICLE BY KRISTIN HERNANDEZ
Many of the phrases spoken to grievers in an attempt to comfort our aching hearts are simply not true. As frustrating as this can feel, I find the counter truths to these platitudes to be incredibly comforting. In part one of this series, we talked about the common sayings “God won’t give you more than you can handle” and “Everything happens for a reason.” In part two, let’s explore the untruths behind the phrases “Don’t cry, they’re with Jesus” and “God must have needed another angel.”
While we certainly want to acknowledge the caring intentions of our friends and family, we have the freedom to speak the truth with love and grace. I would challenge us and anyone walking alongside a hurting loved one to take very seriously whether the words they speak about God are true before we say them. Let’s not spread misinformation about God and His Word. Let’s consider whether our words line up with scripture and whether they accurately depict God and His promises before they leave our lips. Let’s lovingly and graciously educate others when we hear words that are untrue.
“Don’t cry, they’re with Jesus!”
I heard these words not long after my newborn son died. I was wrestling, doubting, and heartbroken. I bravely shared my struggles in a small group, tears streaming down my face, and was met with the words, “Don’t cry, they’re with Jesus!” The phrase felt like administering a bandaid to a gaping bullet wound. I’d imagine most of us have heard some variation of this phrase, implying that our tears are not valid if our children are in heaven. It often causes us to wrestle and ask, “If I believe in God, why is my heart so broken? If I believe my baby is in heaven, why am I overcome with sorrow?”
I want to start off by saying that tears are biblical. Jesus, who cried at the grave of his friend Lazarus (John 11), welcomes our tears. Jesus, who was “deeply grieved to the point of death” (Matthew 26:38) and cried out to the Father on the night before He would be crucified, knows our pain. Our tears are precious to God (Psalm 56:8).
We can believe that the second part of this phrase is true and take incredible comfort in it. “They are with Jesus.” Our babies are whole. They are loved. They are safe. Even with such an unshakable hope, we can reject the untrue command of “don’t cry” and rest knowing that God welcomes our tears and weeps with us.
Romans 12:15 says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” Western culture loves the first part of this verse, yet often falls short in the second. The pursuit of comfort and happiness has pushed us to avoid sadness at all costs. We seek to numb and distract pain, rather than minister, tend to deep wounds, and point people toward true Hope. It's much more fun to rejoice with those who rejoice than to weep with those who weep. This can feel especially isolating for grievers.
Yes, our babies are with Jesus. This is a promise that provides us with more hope than anything else in the universe. It is an incredible reassurance we can depend on. God’s ways and His thoughts are higher than ours. He upholds the universe. He will swallow up death forever.
And yet, until that day, we will experience pain. We will mourn and lament as we await the day when every tear is wiped away from our bloodshot eyes, keeping our eyes fixed on the One who holds all things together.
“God must have needed another angel.”
Most of us have heard this phrase before and the encouraging truth is that it simply is not true. God did not need another angel.
God doesn’t “need” anything (Acts 17:25). He is more powerful than we can even begin to imagine and has everything He needs. This phrase makes it sound as if God was unable to fulfill His plan without the death of our children and thankfully this is far from the truth. It is not as if He is unable to act without another heartbreaking death. Jesus already did that for us once and for all.
God is sovereign over all. He holds every life in His hands. But God is not petty. He doesn’t play silly games with us. He loves us.
As humans, we were created in the image of God. We do not become angels when we die, but we do have an even greater promise to look forward to. If we are in Christ (and I believe babies are), we have been adopted as sons and daughters. 1 Corinthians 6:3 even says that God’s children will judge angels. We will be co-heirs with Christ. What an incredible promise. What an amazing gift.
MEET KRISTIN
Kristin is a writer, podcaster, and mother to six children — one in her arms and five with Jesus. She is the author of Sunlight in December: A Mother's Story of Finding the Goodness of God in the Storm of Grief and the cohost of the Through the Lens Podcast. Kristin has walked through infertility, miscarriages, and the loss of an infant, and is passionate about sharing hope with grieving women.
She enjoys sunny days outside with family, connecting with friends over coffee, roller coasters, and telling others about Jesus' goodness in the midst of suffering. Kristin lives in Southern California with her husband and living son.
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