Things a Grieving Mom is Always Thinking About | Conversations With a Grieving Mom No. 03
Conversations with a Grieving Mom
Throughout October I am highlighting specific topics surrounding pregnancy and infant loss in a series of 4 short mini bonus episodes. My hope is to give grieving moms a voice, to acknowledge your loss and at the same time to help others who have not experienced this kind of loss understand a little better what it is to be a baby loss mom.
In this third episode of the series I am sharing a non-comprehensive list of the things a grieving mom may be thinking about at any given moment. I say non-comprehensive because the things we think about as grieving moms are often complex and can be difficult to put into words. I am sharing this somewhat seemingly random list of thoughts to do two things:
1) To help a grieving mom hear me say -- you are not alone in the way you are thinking about this nor are you crazy. The way you are seeing this and thinking about this is completely normal and to be expected.
2) To help someone who has not experienced the loss of a baby better understand what is happening inside the head and heart of a grieving mom -- to have compassion and empathy when you might not understand how she is responding or better yet to have compassion and empathy when you judge her response as not appropriate.
So, if you are a grieving mom I hope this reminds you that you aren’t alone. And if you are here because you love a grieving mom, I hope this helps you understand us a bit better.
Grieving the loss of a baby is incredibly complex and a grieving mom dies a thousand deaths. Every milestone. Every holiday. Every anniversary. Every baby announcement and baby shower. The baby aisle at target or the chubby baby at the next table over at the restaurant -- an innocent family dinner out can send a grieving mom spiraling. I know because I’ve been there. Because, and I am not over exaggerating when I say this, a grieving mom is never not thinking about the baby she lost. She is always acutely aware of the what-could-have-been’s and should-have-beens. She often feels like a roller coaster and unstable and probably a bit, or a lot crazy, because of this -- living one foot here and one foot in a place of longing for something, someone that is missing.
In any given moment a grieving mom may be thinking any of the following or, let’s be honest, a few of these all at the same time.
I share these in no particular order. And it may even feel a bit chaotic. But that’s how the mind and heart of a grieving mom works. It doesn’t always make sense and it doesn't necessarily follow a logical outline. Most of the things I will share are self-explanatory. But if what I share here doesn’t make sense -- use it as an opportunity to talk with your friend. Have an honest conversation about the things that feel hard. Sometimes saying something out loud that feels hard or scary, feels less so when we actually speak it out loud.
After you listen, I would love to know which one I mentioned resonates with you the most.
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