5 Ways to Cope with Anxiety during Pregnancy After Loss
ARTICLE BY LARISSA ROSSEN
Facing another pregnancy after loss (PAL) can feel extremely daunting. It is very normal to be filled with intense fear, anxiety, and worry, and perhaps struggle to feel joy or excitement. If you’re experiencing mixed feelings after finding out you’re pregnant, you are not alone. As an anxious person even before my son was born still, I knew that proactively managing anxiety during my subsequent pregnancy was going to be crucial to my own wellbeing, my pregnancy, my relationships, and my baby. Anxiety is central to being human and, with the right support and resources, we can manage our anxiety so that joy and even healing can be found amidst our pregnancy. Here are some of my own tips and strategies that helped me during my own pregnancy after loss - I hope they might help you navigate your way through yours.
If you’re experiencing mixed feelings after finding out you’re pregnant, you are not alone.
01. Set boundaries
If you haven’t already learned the importance of setting boundaries after your loss, now is the time to embrace boundary setting. I found that setting boundaries through my pregnancy helped my anxiety from being constantly triggered, which made room for peace and joy to be present. You may consider setting boundaries around who you tell about your pregnancy, how much information you share with others, taking care of yourself (physically, emotionally, and spiritually), and even around work. Setting limits on the amount of googling and information finding that you do will also go a long way in preventing your anxiety from spiraling out of control.
02. Harness truths or affirmations
It can be easy to allow the doubts, worries, and fears to take over our minds during pregnancy after loss. Joy, expectancy and anticipation may not come as naturally as it once did. Yet we can be intentional and fight for peace and joy throughout our pregnancy. One of my favorite affirmations that I used throughout my pregnancy was: “This is a different pregnancy, a different baby, a different story, with a different outcome.” I would repeat it to myself when I started to contemplate worst case scenarios and “what ifs” that came up during my pregnancy. We can also rest in the truths and encouragement from the Bible. You might have a favorite verse that you used through your loss, otherwise The Morning has 40 Verses for 40 Weeks of pregnancy which is a reminder of God’s great plan and love for you and your baby.
03. Connect with other mamas
It made a huge difference to connect with other loss mamas throughout the PAL journey. After we lost our son, I joined a support group where I connected with other mamas who knew the pain of losing a child. Coincidentally, there were four of us who got pregnant within a few months of each other, so we journeyed together in our subsequent pregnancies. Other loss mamas truly understand the fear and worry and they can help you feel less alone in the journey. The Morning has a Pregnancy After Loss Community that I also connected with where I found community and reassurance on my PAL journey.
04. Listen to, understand, and embrace anxiety
If you have seen the movie Inside Out, you might remember the main character Riley has five core emotions - joy, anger, disgust, sadness, and fear. Throughout the movie, the character that depicts joy actively does everything in her power to keep the other emotions from entering Riley’s conscience. A turning point in the film was when Joy realizes that she actually needs the other emotions, characters named Sadness and Fear, and Riley is forced to experience and comprehend numerous emotions at the same time. Listening to, understanding, and embracing our anxiety can help us to manage and even dissipate our anxious feelings, like Riley experienced in the movie. While an overload of anxiety can be detrimental, it is also problematic to have none - sociopaths, for example, tend not to have any. We actually want to try and find a sweet spot where we can hold together, side by side, the complex feelings that arise with the joy of a new pregnancy while still making room for fears and worries.
05. Surround yourself with supportive professional care
Medical professionals that understand the complexity of pregnancy after loss can make a huge difference in providing the extra care and attention you will need to ensure you are well supported during your pregnancy. After my loss, I had already decided that I wanted the same high-risk OB-GYN that delivered my stillborn son to support me through my next pregnancy. He knew our story and he supported us through our loss, which included discussions around future pregnancy planning. My OB-GYN would call me immediately - even outside office hours - with any results as he knew that I would be anxiously awaiting his call if he left me hanging. He provided a streamlined system for me to visit the hospital for heartbeat checks when I was concerned about fetal movements. This doctor also arranged my appointments to be in a room with an ultrasound machine, rather than the fetal Doppler which was a trigger for me. He took the time to understand my unique concerns and found creative ways to support me.
You don’t have to battle anxiety on your own, finding a medical team that you trust and feel safe in discussing your fears and concerns can go the extra mile in helping you feel reassured and supported. This also applies to those of us mamas whose anxiety is so overwhelming that we may need some extra support in helping to navigate these sometimes scary feelings. I encourage you to seek the professional care of a counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist who is well versed in perinatal mental health and loss if this is the case. You are not alone, reach out as help is out there.
MEET THE AUTHOR
Larissa Rossen
Larissa is a Registered Clinical Counselor in private practice in British Columbia, Canada. Her counseling practice, BE Counselling, is named after her son, Brayden Elijah, who was born still at 38+3 weeks. She conducts research investigating perinatal mental health, maternal bonding, and maternal identity following the loss of a baby as well as supports grieving families through loss. Her rainbow daughter is named Ava which means “life”.
40 Verses for 40 Weeks
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SOMETHING TANGIBLE TO REMIND YOU OF HOPE AND PEACE IN MOMENTS OF FEAR.
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