30+ Women Share How to Celebrate Your Baby’s Birthday or Due Date After They Die
ARTICLE BY THE JOYFUL MOURNING COMMUNITY
One of the most common questions a grieving mom asks after her baby has died is, “How do I celebrate my baby’s birthday?” or “How can I honor my baby’s due date?” The tension of grieving the fact that your baby isn’t in your arms on such a special day while also still wanting to mother your baby while displaying your love for them can feel overwhelming.
We asked grieving moms - real women who have experienced pregnancy and infant loss - what their favorite ways are to celebrate or honor their baby after they died. 30+ women answered. Here’s Part I about how to celebrate your baby’s birthday or due date after they died.
PS: We hope you know that there is no right or wrong way to celebrate and honor your baby. No matter how briefly you carried your baby or how many memories you have or don’t have with your baby, you can honor and celebrate them in whatever way feels right to you. Whether you prepare a large celebration or barely acknowledge the day, your baby is still immensely loved and not forgotten.
Ways to celebrate your baby’s due date:
I'm coming up on my due date and I'm really scared for that day. We are planning on going on a hike, planting a butterfly bush, and baking a cake. Hopefully it helps! - K.
We just passed his due date and literally made no plans for the day -- and then I felt guilty for doing that but also realized that’s okay - A.
We typically go out to dinner on what would have been baby's due date. The first year we planted a rose bush on this day. - K.
I have a birthstone necklace I wear for the month that my baby was due. It makes me feel like they are with me. -L.
I had a 2nd trimester loss for my first and only pregnancy. On baby’s due date, I will get some arrangement of white and yellow flowers. - Megan
I have had two second trimester losses. On their due dates, we buy a small cake and I make one of the things I craved while pregnant for dinner. When buying the cake I also pay for a child’s birthday cake order at the bakery. I give a little note that says happy birthday from our family and sign it “June’s mom” or “Jack’s mom”depending on whose special day it was. - Stephanie
Ways to celebrate your baby’s birthday in Heaven:
My baby was stillborn and we celebrate his birthday. I collect flowers from around our block/area and take them to the cemetery. It’s not always the prettiest bunch but I like to do this myself as I collect things he would’ve seen as we walked together. We play a song that reminds us of him and listen to our “Theodore playlist” on the drive, which has songs that brought us comfort after he died. We pray and thank God for him. - Lauren
I planted tulips all over our garden because they remind me of her. I’ll take the day off. Write her a letter and take a walk to her tree. We will have some nice dinner in the evening and thank God that we had her even though only inside of me but forever in our hearts. - Daniela
We just had our daughter’s first birthday a couple days ago. She was 2.5 months old when she passed. I didn’t know what to do, but we did get a cake for her and we had her brother blow out the candle. We talked about her and looked at pictures all day. People had sent flowers to the house for her which was totally unexpected, but I really loved it. It brought some beauty to an otherwise pretty gray day. - Avery
I also like to do acts of kindness/service as a family in his name. We collected lovies and board books for the local NICU for his birthday. We did a small gathering of just grandparents with a special theme on his birthday and unboxed all the donations to prepare them to deliver. I got a flag for the cemetery made and a matching one for our house with a turtle on it that says happy first birthday. I went to visit him and took a cupcake and sang happy birthday later. I had to do that on my own. - Rebecca
Every month on the anniversary of her birthday we go to a nice restaurant and have a cake for dessert. We pray God would let her know that we’re still celebrating her life on earth. - Fernanda
We play board games and spend time together as a family, get a cake, and send up a fire lantern. There’s something similar to watching it float up and disappear to his soul departing. - Kati
I usually dress my living children in something that feels meaningful to me for their brother they never met. I also wear special jewelry that day & other meaningful days to us. M.
I have a birthday journal I started writing in this past year on his birthday— just a simple private moment for me to remember him and thank God for him. We also light our Laurelbox candle and sing happy birthday. A.
We have a cake and do something fun on what would have been his/ her birthday. It really helps. M.
We take the day off, buy cupcakes, sunflowers, and sing happy birthday. This May our baby would have been three. I’m thinking of buying something that we would have bought for a 3 year old and donating it somewhere for a 3 year old in need. C.
On Ethan’s birthday, we usually visit the cemetery as a family and always eat Del Taco because I craved it all throughout my pregnancy with him and it makes me think of those days when we were still together.Then we go home and have cake together. Some years I’ve made it myself, other years we’ve bought one from a bakery or a grocery store. I like to give myself a lot of extra space to be flexible on Ethan’s birthday because I’m never sure how I’ll feel. - K.
We’ve planned a trip away to the beach on what would have been Jace’s first birthday. I’m nervous about how I’ll feel doing something “fun” but I knew it was better for me to already have a game plan so I wasn’t unprepared when the date came. I think we will release lanterns in his honor while at the beach too! - D.
We go to the cemetery first thing in the morning on their birthdays and have a cup of coffee with them. Then at the time they were born, we go back to the cemetery with balloons and cake and sing happy birthday while letting the wind blow out the candle. We leave a piece of cake there for a bird to carry up to Heaven (I think I picked this idea up here!) and eat whatever I was craving with each of my boys for dinner. - S.
On what would have been their birthdays , my family & I do random acts of kindness in their names. I.
We give Cadbury Eggs and candles to all our family members. I craved them when I was pregnant. Every year we poke holes in the top light our candles, sing happy birthday and blow them out. I have so many sweet FaceTime videos of the last several years of all of us together doing it. People usually send me Cadbury egg photos too. It’s been a lovely little tradition. A.
We decorate & go out to dinner. We have an ice cream cake & sing Happy Birthday to Remy. We also try to donate to a charity in his honor. -J.
Encouragement for you as you plan to honor or celebrate your baby:
The best advice I ever got was do what’s right for your heart. Do not feel obligated to make a big production if it doesn’t feel right. Respectfully tell people no if they suggest a way to honor your baby that doesn’t feel right to your heart. I had to draw a lot of boundaries for his birthday, and I’m so glad I did. It was hard enough with the boundaries in place. - Rebecca
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