Yesterday.

(Originally Posted October 30, 2009)

I am finding it hard to find the strength to finish my letter to Aaden. Maybe tomorrow.Yesterday morning I went to the grocery store for milk. A seemingly small task that would really require little to no reliance upon God. However, I felt my stomach drop when I saw the date, November 15 stamped on each one of the gallons of milk. I stood there in the grocery store swallowing back tears.I have put myself into busy mode the past couple weeks since we got back from Virginia where we celebrated what would have been Aaden's first birthday. No matter how many things I cross off my list I will always find something else to do. I know this is how I cope.My original goal was a good one... to write each day that Aaden lived a memory of him. I can not find the strength to do that. I get heartbroken when I can't remember something... I told Aaron we should have written down everything about him and about every moment we spent with him. But no one knew our time with Aaden would be cut short.A friend of mine who shares a similar loss wrote to me yesterday and said it perfectly... "I had put so much pressure on myself to write it -- I felt like I couldn't be happy until I did... It's not the pressure of other people...,but my own pressure to try to remember every detail before the memories faded." (Click here to read her blog.)I am praying that God will help me to remember and as I remember I will write. I never want the memories to fade....I will update part 2 of my letter to Aaden soon.