Every story and every loss is unique. Not all aspects of infant loss are listed here. But these are a good starting point if you want to understand more.

• Infant loss is typically considered the loss of a baby from birth through approximately 1 year. Neonatal loss is a loss that occurs in the first 28 days after a baby is born.

• The five leading causes of death for infant loss in recent years have been: birth defects, preterm birth and low birth weight, sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS), injuries, and maternal pregnancy complications.

Your friend is hurting. She needs people to love her, no matter how her grief looks. One of the most common phrases we hear from grieving moms is this: “I feel so alone.” People often avoid saying something to her out of fear that they’ll cause more pain. The grieving moms in our community often feel like people are tip-toeing around them or like they’re rushing, judging, or simply… forgetting her pain. Continuing to show up without judgment and with patience and care will be so important for the long haul.

For now, here are some ideas for you. Meet a practical need - offering something specific like setting up a meal train or dropping off a bag of groceries and toilet paper on her door step. Say something. Text her or send her a card saying, “I’m so sorry. I’m praying for you and I’m here to talk about it - or not talk about it - when you’re ready.” (It doesn’t have to be complicated!) Then pray for her. You can learn more about how to help with this free download, Part 1 of our Guide: How to Help a Grieving Friend by clicking here.

Every woman who loses a baby is different. So let’s start with what grief is. 

March of Dimes gives this really helpful definition: "Grief is all the feelings you have when someone close to you dies. You may find it hard to believe that your baby died. You may want to shout or scream or cry. You may want to blame someone. Or you may want to hide under the covers and never come out. At times, your feelings may seem more than you can handle. You may feel sad, depressed, angry or guilty. You may get sick easily with colds and stomach aches and have trouble concentrating. All of these are part of grief." 

When you’re grieving, you don't have to be afraid of grieving a certain way or not grieving a certain way. No feeling is “too much” or “not enough.” Everyone grieves differently, and that’s okay. It’s important that the grieving mom allows herself to feel as she’s feeling and know that those feelings may ebb and flow over time.

Funerals or memorial services can be healing to grieving families. Some families choose to honor their baby’s life with a large gathering, others choose something more private, and others choose not to have a service at all. These services can give parents a chance to mark the significance of what they’ve experienced and can be a step towards healing for many women. 

If you are helping to plan the funeral, we do have a few resources for you. Our funeral planning resources can help her (and you) through this tender process. Some areas you may be able to help with are: being the point of contact for the funeral home or church or offering to provide food, flowers, decorations, or funeral programs.

Remember - not everyone wants this kind of help. But if you are invited into. this sacred event, you can be a true blessing for her.

Death anniversaries, birthdays, and other milestones can be incredibly challenging to face. Leading up to those big dates, your friend may feel a lot of conflicting emotions – or she may feel totally numb. Some women experience physical symptoms around these days (our bodies remember too!) and some women feel more emotions afterwards. 

Take a moment now and put the day your friend’s baby died, his/her birthday, and any other important dates in your calendar and reach out to her on those days and the days leading up to it or right after. A simple, “I miss [baby’s name] with you today,” or “How are you feeling about [baby’s name] birthday? I’m praying for you” can go a long way. One other idea is this: click here to order a set of 12 cards and send her a card each month so that she knows you’re there for her - long ater the funeral is over.