Every story and every loss is unique. Not all types of 2nd trimester losses are listed here. But these are a good starting point if you want to understand more.

• The 2nd trimester is between 13-28 weeks in a woman’s pregnancy.

• A loss before 20 weeks is considered a miscarriage or 2nd trimester miscarriage in most places.

• If a baby dies in utero after 20 weeks, the loss is considered a stillbirth.

• For live births, NICU time is necessary and they are often called micro preemies. A baby is considered viable between 22-24 weeks.

Your friend is hurting. She needs people to love her, no matter how her grief looks. One of the most common phrases we hear from grieving moms is this: “I feel so alone.” People often avoid saying something to her out of fear that they’ll cause more pain. The grieving moms in our community often feel like people are tip-toeing around them or like they’re rushing, judging, or simply… forgetting her pain. Continuing to show up without judgment and with patience and care will be so important for the long haul.

For now, here are some ideas for you. Meet a practical need - offering something specific like setting up a meal train or dropping off a bag of groceries and toilet paper on her door step. Say something. Text her or send her a card saying, “I’m so sorry. I’m praying for you and I’m here to talk about it - or not talk about it - when you’re ready.” (It doesn’t have to be complicated!) Then pray for her. You can learn more about how to help with this free download, Part 1 of our Guide: How to Help a Grieving Friend by clicking here.

Every woman who loses a baby is different. So let’s start with what grief is. 

March of Dimes gives this really helpful definition: "Grief is all the feelings you have when someone close to you dies. You may find it hard to believe that your baby died. You may want to shout or scream or cry. You may want to blame someone. Or you may want to hide under the covers and never come out. At times, your feelings may seem more than you can handle. You may feel sad, depressed, angry or guilty. You may get sick easily with colds and stomach aches and have trouble concentrating. All of these are part of grief." 

When you’re grieving, you don't have to be afraid of grieving a certain way or not grieving a certain way. No feeling is “too much” or “not enough.” Everyone grieves differently, and that’s okay. It’s important that the grieving mom allows herself to feel as she’s feeling and know that those feelings may ebb and flow over time.

Depending on when in the 2nd trimester her loss occurred she may not have named her baby yet. Or maybe she was intentionally waiting until baby was born to decide on a name. Either way, this is up to the grieving parents. Many people find it healing to name their baby or give them a nickname. Some choose to keep the name private and some choose to share it, but whatever she decides, there’s no right or wrong answer. Not naming or not sharing her baby’s name doesn’t mean she loves him or her any less than someone who does.

A few things you might not realize are: It’s not “just a heavy period” – your friend labored and delivered her baby. She may have milk coming in and had to decide if she would pump or dry up her milk. She may not know what went wrong or if she’ll face another loss again in the future. To read more directly from real grieving moms, click here.