Every story and every loss is unique. Not all types of 3rd trimester losses are listed here. But these are a good starting point if you want to understand more.

• The 3rd trimester is between 29-40+ weeks in a woman’s pregnancy. Full term is between 39 weeks and 40 weeks and 6 days. Late-term or postterm are terms used after 41 weeks.

• If a baby dies in utero after 20 weeks, or during labor or ch

Your friend is hurting. She needs people to love her, no matter how her grief looks. One of the most common phrases we hear from grieving moms is this: “I feel so alone.” People often avoid saying something to her out of fear that they’ll cause more pain. The grieving moms in our community often feel like people are tip-toeing around them or like they’re rushing, judging, or simply… forgetting her pain. Continuing to show up without judgment and with patience and care will be so important for the long haul.

For now, here are some ideas for you. Meet a practical need - offering something specific like setting up a meal train or dropping off a bag of groceries and toilet paper on her door step. Say something. Text her or send her a card saying, “I’m so sorry. I’m praying for you and I’m here to talk about it - or not talk about it - when you’re ready.” (It doesn’t have to be complicated!) Then pray for her. You can learn more about how to help with this free download, Part 1 of our Guide: How to Help a Grieving Friend by clicking here.

Every woman who loses a baby is different. So let’s start with what grief is. 

March of Dimes gives this really helpful definition: "Grief is all the feelings you have when someone close to you dies. You may find it hard to believe that your baby died. You may want to shout or scream or cry. You may want to blame someone. Or you may want to hide under the covers and never come out. At times, your feelings may seem more than you can handle. You may feel sad, depressed, angry or guilty. You may get sick easily with colds and stomach aches and have trouble concentrating. All of these are part of grief." 

When you’re grieving, you don't have to be afraid of grieving a certain way or not grieving a certain way. No feeling is “too much” or “not enough.” Everyone grieves differently, and that’s okay. It’s important that the grieving mom allows herself to feel as she’s feeling and know that those feelings may ebb and flow over time.

Not everyone would like help in these moments, but some moms do. If she has learned that her baby is no longer living and she has time to prepare for labor & delivery, we have a free Hospital Bag Checklist here that may help make her stay more comfortable and give her space for treasuring the moments she will have with her baby. It may help her to have a close friend or family member help with that list of things (especially if she’s already in the hospital) as she is likely in a moment of shock and making deicions about what to bring will feel very daunting. Ask her if she would like any help with any of this before you jump in. 

As her friend or family, you may also want to help her contact Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep to find a professional photographer who is specially trained to capture her baby in a beautiful way. You can also print out our free Memory Making & Photo Checklist to help her make sure she remembers and gets to do things like bathe her baby, swaddle her baby, read baby a book, sing a song, get baby’s footprints and handprints. All of these things she will treasure so much as she does them and after but may not be in a frame of mind to be thinking about them until prompted. 

Remember - she may not want your help or to do any of this, and that’s okay, too.

Funerals or memorial services can be healing to grieving families. Some families choose to honor their baby’s life with a large gathering, others choose something more private, and others choose not to have a service at all. These services can give parents a chance to mark the significance of what they’ve experienced and can be a step towards healing for many women. 

If you are helping to plan the funeral, we do have a few resources for you. Our funeral planning resources can help her (and you) through this tender process. Some areas you may be able to help with are: being the point of contact for the funeral home or church or offering to provide food, flowers, decorations, or funeral programs.

Remember - not everyone wants this kind of help. But if you are invited into. this sacred event, you can be a true blessing for her.