Our recommendation would be to not rush the process. There is no hurry. In the midst of pain it can feel appealing to pack everything up so you just don’t have to see it but the pain will still be there. Feel the freedom to leave things as they are or simply close the nursery door until you are ready to make decisions about those things. 

When you feel ready, and this may be months later, take some intentional time to find something beautiful to house your favorite baby things – this is an act of mothering your baby and one that will provide healing as well as opportunity to mother him or her in the future especially on important days like holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries. Place your favorite things that you want to keep just for this baby there, along with photos, and any other special keepsakes. One mom recommended having professional photos taken of her baby’s nursery before she changed it to prepare for a new baby. 

You can choose to keep some things for future children, you can choose to donate some or all to an organization that is meaningful to you or a family in need as a way of honoring your baby or you can choose to pack it all away and store it. There is no right or wrong answer about what to do with your baby’s things, and take your time; don’t throw anything away or give anything away or donate anything in those early fresh days of grief where the pain is influencing your decisions. Your future self will thank you for being patient with yourself in this season.

This is a very sensitive topic for many moms and can take you by surprise. First, we want to say, again, we’re so sorry that you’re having to make these decisions. If or when your milk comes in, you have two options. You can choose to continue to allow lactation to occur by pumping your milk or you can dry up your milk supply with lactation suppression. We are not medical professionals, but from personal experience and talking with thousands of moms we know that there are various benefits to both options and no single right answer. We do recommend you consult with a medical professional and/or lactation consultant. Here is an article from La Leche League which explains both options a little bit more in depth and gives practical next steps for you. Here are also some brief suggestions gathered from our community.

For lactation suppression: Especially if you have already been producing milk, slowly space out pumping or expression to prevent a sudden loss of supply which can lead to complications like mastitis. There are natural methods of doing this. Many of the moms in our community have suggested CaboCreme and the PinkStork No Flow tea or vitamins as a helpful product in their journeys of suppression, but again, we recommend you speak with a medical professional about what is best for you.

Unfortunately you may never have answers and that likely feels so hard and so heavy. However, we’ve learned from many moms that finding out what caused your baby’s death won’t necessarily provide the relief you are looking for. As grieving moms who have experienced the unthinkable, we think if we know WHY this happened, it’ll make more sense. But a baby dying never makes sense. 

With that being said, feel the freedom to become your own advocate. Ask questions, do your own research, make sure you feel seen by your medical team – it is frustrating that you may have to take on this role to get the answers you desire and for that we are so sorry. If you do pursue testing, be extra gentle with yourself no matter what the results say.

We are not medical professionals and everyone’s situation is unique. Our first recommendation is to talk with your doctor about what would be best for you. What your body just went through was a lot, and while we know that you want a baby right now, it’s okay, and good, to take time to heal physically. It's also important to note that being on the same page with your spouse or partner is really important when trying to grow your family after loss. 

There are two things to remember when you’re considering this question.  First, no baby could ever replace the life of a baby lost. And two, no time waiting for another baby is ever wasted. That time is spent healing and growing and that time is valuable when moving forward to begin trying to grow your family again. So, talk with your doctor, talk with your spouse, and remember that no time is wasted.

I don’t know. But what I do know is that while our arms ache for the babies we’ve lost and the babies we long for, having a baby to fill those voids will not heal all of your wounds. Only God can do that – and we won’t know full healing this side of Heaven. Regardless of if you’ll ever have a baby in your home or not, your worth and value come from someone who calls you loved simply for being His. You can go to God with your ache and your pain for a baby. He comforts, he sees you, and he cares. 

Due dates, birthdays, and other anniversaries can be incredibly challenging to face now that your baby is no longer here. Leading up to those big dates, you may feel a lot of conflicting emotions – or you may feel totally numb. Some women experience physical symptoms around these dates (our bodies remember too!) and some women feel more emotions after. To think through how to acknowledge these dates, click here. And remember: your baby’s value and your love for your baby are not dependent on what exactly you do that day!