Hard Day.

(Originally Posted September 17. 2009)

I keep myself busy... very busy. But, even on days like today, when my to-do list is very lengthy I seem unable to concentrate and focus. I keep getting up from my desk to go get something and then I realize I have forgotten what it is that I was going to do... my mind seems elsewhere. I am tense and easily irritated today. ah. I think my heart just hurts a little extra today for some reason. I have learned that that is how pain and suffering is... one day you are fine and the next you are not.... no matter how hard you try to keep yourself busy.I am laughing at myself right now because my original intention of this post was going to be fun pictures of a project that I have been working on... thanks to a gift from The Creative Place. But this blog is not only for the creative and fun things I am working on... so I will save that for a happier... more carefree day.I go through stages of deep longing to see Aaden... to know what he would look like right now, what he would be doing. A couple of weeks ago I remembered that Aaron and I had started keeping a family journal of our day-to-day happenings in May of 2008. I will mention that we only managed to keep up the journaling for about 2 months or so... sad. I told myself when I pulled it out that we would start writing again... soon.I began to read our little family updates in the hopes to catch a glimpse of Drew at the age that Aaden would be now... I just wanted to remember what the day to day was like with a 10 month old... 11 month old... 1 year old.May 20 - (Happy 3rd Anniversary) "Drew laughed a lot today... even more than usual.)May 24 - "Drew let us sleep a little this morning... all the way to 8am...)May 26 - (Memorial Day) "Drew didn't like the swimming so much... maybe because Micah tried to hug/drown him"May 27 - "Drew and daddy wrestled... Drew took some more steps for us..."May 30 - "Drew walked all the way across the kitchen..."July 11 - "Drew got into the vaseline... even bathing him didn't that greasy stuff off."I found such joy in reading through those journal entries...remembering all those seemingly insignificant moments in Drew's life was amazing.God reminded me too, how Aaden was such a huge part of our lives before he was ever even born... and how he always will be.May 23 - "... watched my 20 week pregnant wife crash on the couch at 7:30pm."May 27 - "... and we felt the little baby moving and kicking all around."May 29 - "We went for a "pregnancy" walk..." (Aaron liked to call our walks that because I had slowed my walking to a snail's pace.)June 3 - "Another boy!"July 12 - "Drew said 'brother'"And though I may not know what Aaden would look like right now... what color his eyes are or his hair... if he would be walking yet... or what his little personality would be like... I find peace in knowing that I will see him again one day. And I find rest in my Savior...1 Peter 5:7 says "casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you."