To the Mom with Multiple Losses & Empty Arms
by Nickesha Dillon
To the mom with multiple losses & empty arms,
I see you and what you’re going through. The loneliness and longing you feel deep inside, both for the children you’ve lost and the ones you hope for in the future, but aren’t sure will ever come. The way you no longer look to future pregnancies (that may or may not happen) with excitement, but instead with a mixture of numbness and sheer anxiety.
I hope you know that you are not a failure or a loser or any of the other similar things you’ve likely been seeing yourself as since losing your precious little ones.
I want you to know that it’s ok to not be ok being around babies, even if they are the babies of people you love dearly. It hurts, and it’s ok to not know what the “timeline” is for you to be ok with being around babies. Give yourself grace. Don’t think about what you “should” be able to do and feel by now. Be honest with yourself. Give yourself grace.
Motherhood is:
Choosing to honor your babies and celebrate their lives in ways that are meaningful and helpful to you.
Talking about your babies and saying their names, just like other moms do, even if others think it’s weird. It’s about helping them understand that you ARE a mother too.
Cherishing the memories you have of your time with your babies, however brief, knowing that each of their lives matters.
Take it one step at a time; give yourself grace.
Love,
A mom who understands
Nickesha Dillon
About Nickesha: Nickesha and her husband Leovaughni live in the island gem of Jamaica. They are parents to three beautiful boys, all in heaven: Liam & Legend, identical twins who passed from Twin-to-twin transfusion at 20weeks’ gestation , and Louie , born at 24wks and 5 days as a result of cervical incompetence. Louie lived, fought and brought so much joy and laughter for 13 days in the NICU before passing from complications associated with prematurity.
Nickesha is navigating what it means to be a mother with empty arms, and is determined to lovingly help others understand that she IS a mother.
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