To the Twinless Twin Mom
by Suzanne Jones
To the twinless twin mom:
I see you and what you’re going through. I wish we could talk about tandem feedings and double potty training and all the other distinct challenges facing moms of multiples instead of the unexpected challenges of mothering twins in two different places.
I know the tension you feel with every “first”. The task of celebrating milestones with your surviving twin can be so difficult because every new experience with one child highlights the absence of the other, but holding joy and sorrow simultaneously does become easier with practice. Your heart can stretch to accommodate both, even though the process is quite painful at first.
Mothering twins is more than changing twice the diapers and picking out matching outfits. You are the mother of two unique individuals that share a special bond. Your sacred responsibility is to care for each child in a way that affirms their individuality and honors that bond. You can still do that. It will look different than you ever imagined, but you can and you will.
My encouragement to you is to allow yourself to grieve the secondary losses, everything from picking out those matching outfits to watching your children’s unique relationship develop as they grow.
Don’t be afraid to give yourself over to the joy of mothering your living child in fear that it will diminish your love for their twin. It won’t, I promise.
Finally, talk to your surviving child about his or her twin and their special connection, for their sake and for your own. It runs so much deeper than matching outfits and double strollers. By faith, we can fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal (2 Corinthians 4:18). Your children will always be twins, and you will always be their mom.
Love, a mom who understands
Suzanne Jones
About Suzanne: Suzanne Jones is a wife, a mom to five amazing children, and a part-time pediatric audiologist. Her son, Ethan, passed away of SIDS in March 2017 at two months of age. She honors Ethan's legacy by writing at www.walkingintheshadowlands.com and caring for his memory gardens at their home and their church's preschool playground.
Connect with Author: @walkingintheshadowlands
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