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Episode 107

In this week’s episode I will be spending our time together answering your questions. But not just any questions, I will be answering your questions about the tender and difficult topic of pregnancy after loss. I have said it many times before and I will say it again. Apart from losing my son Aaden, being pregnant again after losing him was one of the hardest things I've ever experienced. And I know I am not alone in feeling that way.

So in this episode, I will be sharing honestly and candidly about what I have learned from my experience of having been pregnant after pregnancy loss and infant loss. I do not have all the answers nor am I able to say that I perfectly navigated pregnancy after loss, that I did so without fear or wavering, that I was able to enjoy every moment of those pregnancies; no I could never say those things to you.

In fact if you listen back to episode 53 you will hear one of the most tender and raw and honest episodes by me. I wrote and recorded that episode as I was nearing the end of my pregnancy with my daughter. Right in the middle of the fear that seemed like it would completely overwhelm me. Right in the middle of feeling completely alone because no one else seemed to understand why I wasn’t celebrating. I wrote these words for that episode:

“The fear settled in as soon as I suspected I was pregnant. With my heart beating out of my chest I stared at two faint pink lines. And immediately, without warning or intention, my thoughts turned to the worst case scenarios. Fear gripped my heart.

There were no naive celebrations of joy and expectancy and anticipation.

That has been taken from me.

Joy and expectancy and anticipation are all things I now have to intentionally and willfully fight for.”

So I answer your questions about pregnancy after loss, not as an expert or someone who perfectly navigated those months, but as a real mom, with real fears, and strong propensities toward anxiety and panic, a real person who has experienced pregnancy after loss 4 times and can say quite honestly I see you. I understand. You are not alone.

If you are currently pregnant after loss this episode is for you. If you are considering trying to conceive again or are currently trying to conceive after having experienced loss, this episode is for you. And if you love a mom who has experienced loss, this episode is absolutely for you as well. Because she feels very, very alone and this will help you love her better should she decide to pursue pregnancy again in the future.

And one more thing, I didn’t want to leave you with just words today because while hearing my thoughts about these questions and sharing what I’ve learned from my experiences is helpful, something in your hand that you can reference when the fear is mounting and the uncertainty begins to overwhelm is better. So I wanted to give you something tangible to help you navigate a season of pregnancy after loss. And because I believe there is nothing better than God’s Word to bring hope and peace to an anxious heart we created a free download for you, 40 Verses for 40 Weeks. A verse to meditate, think on and study for every week of your pregnancy. To access that free download head to themorning.com/4040, that’s themorning.com/4040. Friend, I know how difficult this season is and while I cannot promise a healthy pregnancy or a living baby, a fearless next 9 months or a restoration of the innocence lost; I do hope that this episode and that free download will serve to restore your hope and give you a reason for joy even amidst uncertainty.

QUESTIONS I ANSWER IN EPISODE 107

When is the right time to try to conceive again?
I’m just overwhelmed by emotion - feeling so sad and excited at the same time but also feeling anger and guilt about how I’m not as excited as I was with previous pregnancies.
How did you mentally prepare for birth after losing a baby shortly after birth?
How do I let people in to see the anxiety and fear (which are both totally normal and natural) without looking or feeling like such a weak Christian? I hate sharing the rawness I feel because I don’t want to be bible-smacked with every verse telling me not to fear and to be anxious for nothing.
How do you deal with the anxiety post-birth? It’s hard enough now in pregnancy some days, but what about when the baby is here? Will I ever sleep peacefully or just be constantly checking and worrying about him/her?
Do you feel joy again at all that you were able to create another tiny life?
Will I ever be able to truly enjoy pregnancy again?
Can I really do this?