Overflow with Hope | Growing Your Family After Pregnancy and Infant Loss

Mar 22

by Dottie Soderstrom

Growing your family again after loss is a precarious and precious season, a time that may be filled with the full gamut of emotions. You may feel eager and excited. You may feel nervous and scared. You might even feel all of those things at the same time. While everyone’s experiences will be unique, in my experience and with the benefit of hindsight, there are some things that might make the journey smoother and more full of hope and peace.

First, know yourself.

Recognize what real self-care is for you during this season of waiting and wondering. Maybe it’s keeping a habit of movement through exercising or dancing. Maybe it’s slowing down and erasing some items from your crowded schedule. Similarly, be mindful of the content you consume that crowds your mind and heart. Are there positive songs or podcasts that encourage you? Do you need to unfollow some social media accounts that keep making you feel sad and stressed or like you don’t measure up? Would you benefit from more intentional time with a few close friends or your spouse?

Is there a habit that brings you life, like cooking or crocheting? For me, that habit is writing. Though I don’t always make time for it, writing is something that brings me joy, and research shows it can have positive effects on our physical and mental health. When I’m able to journal and brainstorm, I find that I’m more clear-headed and peaceful, as though I’ve put my worries on the page and don’t have to clutch them so tightly anymore. Writing, even when no one else reads it, helps me process what’s going on internally and understand my thoughts and feelings more deeply. Even if writing isn’t your thing, don’t neglect to do what brings you joy so that you don’t lose yourself in your sadness or worry.

Next, remember your testimonies.

As you wait and wonder, remember how the Lord has provided for you in the past, how He’s walked with you through all the highs and lows. What other seasons of decision-making and waiting, hope and heartache, has He walked you through? Take some time to reflect and write down where the Lord carried you in the past, what miracles you’ve seen, what prayers have been answered. Remembering how the Lord has worked in the past builds our faith now, yet it can be easy to forget how many amazing things we’ve seen when we don’t pause to think or keep a record of them. Remind yourself of your history with the Lord—however short or long it’s been—and ask Him to increase your faith as you bravely move forward.

Emily Dickinson famously wrote that “hope is the thing with feathers--/that perches in the soul.” In this season when you are expanding your family after experiencing a loss, hope might feel foolish because you fear what might happen again. Dickinson’s poem reminds me that hope, like a bird with feathers, is soft and fragile but also fierce and gravity-defying—it can fly. Hope is strength, not weakness or wishful thinking. It says I know my heart may break again, but I am willing to risk it for the possibility of loving another little life. Hope is brave; it is not blind. The hope in Dickinson’s poem is steadfast in the face of a storm. It is often in our biggest storms that we need the strength of hope to hold us up.

Lastly, let go of the idea of “perfect.”

I’m often reminded of a line from the song “Never Be Ready” by Mat Kearney: “We’ll never be ready if we keep waiting/ For the perfect time to come.” Maybe you had an idea in your mind about the perfect time to have a baby, the right month to start trying, the right spacing between your children. Maybe you were hoping to be in a certain place in your life—a specific town or house or career. These are all good things to consider, but if you’re like I am, you can find yourself in the land of “over-analysis paralysis,” trying to ascertain the exact right conditions under which to proceed. The reality is that these perfect conditions don’t exist, and you might only be adding stress by waiting for everything to line up just right.

Sometimes, our drive to choose the right time can delay us from choosing altogether. It can even be a smokescreen, hiding our fear of losing another little one, preventing us from moving forward at all. While you have been deeply changed by the loss of your child, believe that if you dreamed of expanding your family once, you can dream again.

As you navigate this season, my prayer for you is this: “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit” (Romans 15:13, NIV).

Meet the Author: dottie Soderstrom

Author Bio: Dottie Soderstrom holds a PhD in English from Auburn University. She lives in Marion, Indiana with her husband and children where they serve and minister at Indiana Wesleyan University and Kingdom Life Church.

Connect with Author via Instagram: @dotterstrom