Hope & Prayers for a Grieving Mom and the New Year | Episode 143 with The Morning Team

PodcastGriefHolidays

Dec 30

Written By Ashlee Proffitt

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Episode 143

This week’s special episode is all about the end of a year and the beginning of a new one. And you are going to hear from all three members of The Morning team in this special episode, Meg Walker is going to share with you thoughts about last year, Mary Margaret Powitz is going to share with you 3 hopes for the new year and I am going to finish our time with 3 prayers I have for you as we end 2021 and enter 2022.

Before we jump into that I want you to hear me say: You made it through the holidays friends — I am so proud of you. I wish I could give you a hug and look you in the eyes and say “You did it. You made it through one of the toughest seasons a grieving mother has to walk through.”

I would love to encourage you to spend some time today or tomorrow, just a few minutes, reflecting on this past year, on this moment right now, and on the holiday season. We created a simple workbook for you with questions and prompts to help you reflect on the year as we move into a new year, click the button below to download yours.

The purpose of writing out your thoughts is not to come up with perfect words but to get all that’s in your head out — to remember things you don’t want to forget; to reflect, to pause, to ponder, and to process.

You have been through so much this year, it will be an incredibly helpful exercise to take a few minutes to sit in it, reflect on it, learn from it -- before diving into a new year. Download that free workbook by clicking the button below.

NEW YEAR REFLECTION WORKBOOK

Read the letters from The Morning Team

Dear friend,
It’s the end of the year. A new one is around the corner and it feels impossible. Does it feel impossible? Maybe I shouldn’t presume. All I know is that when a calendar page turns farther away from the precious time you had with your little one - no matter how fleeting - and when the entire calendar itself is replaced… there’s a moment where you notice that the world continues to spin.
Maybe there are a few things that you’re happy to leave behind, but maybe there’s a lot that feels like your heart being ripped out of your chest once more. We hear talks of goals and plans and a breath of fresh excitement for what will come in 2022. It can feel like everyone else is excited for a fresh start. And maybe a fresh start sounds enticing in some ways, but in reality often moving one day, one month, one year further away from the last moment with your baby offers little comfort - and instead can bring pain.
My prayer for you today is more of an invitation. I invite you to give space to grieve what was. To honor the time that has been and make room for will come. To notice how it feels to be in this change even when your arms are empty.
I pray that as this year ends you’re able to have words to name what was.
I wonder — what words come to mind when you remember this year? Do you remember the joy? The pain? Do you remember both? Maybe this year brought your first and longed for positive pregnancy test. Maybe this year brought you confirmation that your baby’s life had been cut short. Maybe you held your son in your arms. Maybe you laughed in delight of your daughter. Maybe you made those unbearable first steps back home without them. Maybe you remember the love that you had. Maybe you mourn the tears.
But what do you remember? What are those secret and unseen moments that the world will not understand? Whether hard or elated or both or neither — name them. Honor them. Celebrate them. This year was significant. If even for yourself, acknowledge it.
I pray that this week you’re able to find moments of honesty and gratitude.
Not as a formula or a fake smile when you’re hurting inside. But when we name what was, we can often see a bigger picture… and sometimes that bigger picture allows us to look with honesty and recognize the beauty that was there even in the deepest of waters. Are there one, or two, or three things that you can look back on from this year with gratitude?
Sure, your capacity for some things has lessened, but where has it grown? Your heart has broken in two, but where has it continued to fill and blossom? Your babies have undeniably changed you - and what are some of the gifts they gave you in their precious moments with you?
I pray that as this year ends you’re able to find a moment to be here now.
Not anxious about looking ahead, not dwelling in the “if onlys” of the past, but looking around and taking a moment to be in this moment where you are right now. To notice the tangible presence of things around you… and to see the absences too. To take a deep breath and notice where the air flows and where your mind wanders. And more importantly, to notice who you are now, how your baby has shaped you, even in all of the mess and pain and numbness and grief… and even in the ways you wonder what you could have done differently.
Your baby has given you a gift. I pray that this week you’re here, now, and taking in the depth of the ways that you’re forever tethered to your little one.
You see, the date on the calendar isn’t what gives us hope. It isn’t what forever connects us with the children that we’ve loved. A fresh year isn’t what makes everything better… but it’s also not a sign that you’re going to move on, or more specifically, it’s not an indicator that you’re forgetting your baby. Even when you’re moving into a new year, I want you to hear that your baby STILL matters. Your baby is STILL so loved. And most importantly, your baby is STILL remembered. With dignity, with honor, with care.
Friend, as 2021 becomes more of a moment in our rear view mirror, no matter how you feel about moving in 2022, I invite you to recognize and treasure what 2021 was. In all its glory, in all the ugly. Naming it, honoring it, and noticing it.
Your babies are so loved. As are you.
Here’s to another beautifully hopeful and honest year.
Dear Grieving Mama ,
It’s been a year, hasn’t it? That’s likely an understatement. I suspect “ it’s been impossible.”, “it’s been unbearable”, or “It's been a nightmare” are more accurate statements to how you see the year 2021 in your own life. You find yourself at a stand still, paralyzed, either ready to say good riddance to 2021 or clinging to the last few moments because it’s the year that held your baby. Or maybe you find yourself desperately wondering if this next year, if this will be the year that you finally get to hold a living, breathing baby in your arms and bring them home or if this is the year that you say goodbye to those hopes all together.
Friend, when hope feels like a balloon slipping from your fingers, I’m here to take the string, and keep it tight on your behalf.
I hope and pray that this year, you can find freedom in authenticity and honesty. May you learn to be honest with yourself about how you’re feeling, what you’re thinking, what feels hard, and what feels good. May you be able to name those things in your own mind, to others, and to God, free of shame or guilt. I pray that you will not fear the dark so much that you hide there, But instead, that you may speak those things you’re most afraid of and watch their power dissipate in the light of his “Glory and grace”. I pray that even more so, you can bring those honest thoughts to God. That you may believe that, “ God is big enough for you to beat on his chest”. I pray that you’ll wrestle and when the wrestling is over, you’ll find rest.
I hope and pray that this year, you will experience true comfort and joy; the kind that doesn’t make sense and seems unreal and miraculous. I pray that rather than chasing the next good thing, you’ll rest in the one who brings them and see the goodness he brings in the midst of suffering. I know what it is to long for the hardships to pass and the good season to finally roll in, but I hope and pray that you’ll find comfort and joy even in the midst of impossible suffering that feels like it may never end.
I hope and pray that this year, you will learn to embrace who you are now. You may look in the mirror today and not recognize yourself. You may be starting to see the stark contrast of who you were then and who you are now, your innocence stripped, maybe even your spirit, but I’m confident it’s been replaced with great gifts, gifts of grit, empathy, perseverance, authenticity, compassion, and anger at the brokenness of the world. I hope and pray that you not only will be able to recognize the new strengths you have inside yourself, but that you can begin to embrace them.
Above all, wherever you find yourself today, I hope and pray you know how dearly loved you are by the creator of the universe.
Psalm 18 ,,” He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he pulled me out of deep water… He brought me out to a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.” May you know that HE DELIGHTS in YOU
Hi friend,
While you may feel broken, limping or crawling into this new year — hear me when I say, God is not done with you. Your story is not over. He is working in you something good. For His glory. And while you may not be the same person who entered 2021, and the change feels uncomfortable and foreign and you likely wish to be the old you – there is good here – you have grown and changed in beautiful and powerful ways this year and you will continue to grow and change in the year to come. This is not your end.
Before I share the 3 prayers I have for you in the New Year I want to acknowledge that while the rest of the world may be anticipating a New Year with more excitement and zeal than ever before — for many of us, we might not be ready to say goodbye to this year quite yet. Because maybe for you, this year held your baby. 2021 may have been the year where you experienced the joy of a positive pregnancy test or the excitement of a wiggly baby on an ultrasound screen, maybe 2021 was the year you heard the cries as your baby entered the world. 2021 may represent the year your baby was full of life -- no matter how many days they lived and to move into a new year may feel like you are leaving them behind. Moving on.
If you are feeling that way, to you dear mama hear me say — I understand. To the world 2021 may be a year they want to forget and quickly put behind them but to you it holds your baby. To you 2021 will forever be a year that is tender, full of love and grief, a dance of joy and sorrow. It probably hurts to hear so many brushing off this year when for you it holds so much meaning. Hear me say this, even if everyone around you writes off 2021, it does not make it any less real or valuable or momentous to you.
And hear this too: your baby will never be forgotten.
A new year can not erase your baby. And while there may be moments you long to forget because they just hurt so badly — your baby will be remembered.
You will never move into a new year and not bring him or her with you. You will forever be his or her mother.
A flip of the calendar will not ever change that.
You will find new normals in 2022. You will find strength you didn’t know you had. You will make new memories. You will carry on precious traditions. You will honor your baby and cherish being his or her mother. God will meet you in 2022 just like He met you every single day of 2021.
I’m so grateful for that truth that we can carry into 2022. That God sees you. That He cares. That He loves you. That He’s working. That His love and care for you are not dependent on what you have to offer, not on your ability to show up and muster up the faith, not on your strength or capacity. His love for you is dependent solely on the work that Jesus did on the cross. If you are curious about Jesus or what I’m referring to here, head to themorning.com/faith for more information – If you are new to this faith or curious about Jesus and the Bible this would be a great place for you to start.
In a very general sense and the most important sense we know what God is going to be up to in 2022. He will be the same God tomorrow as He was today. He will continue to bring light into dark places. He will continue to rescue and restore people to Himself. When we pass through the waters He will be there. When we walk the fire, He will not let us be burned. He will be the same God who will continue to love you, in the words of Sally Lloyd Jones, with a “never stopping, never giving up, unbreaking, always and forever kind of a love.”
My 4 Prayers for you in the New Year
Prayer for hope:
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Romans 5:5
We can look forward with hope knowing that God is working in us and in our brokenness, and that one day He will make all that is wrong, right.
Gotquestions.org said it this way: “That kind of hope is certain because it relies upon God’s power, His promises, and His sacrifice (Romans 5:6–11) and not our own merits. That kind of hope is certain because of what He has accomplished, not because of any work on our part. Because Christ died for us (Romans 5:8), we have been justified, and we will be delivered from the future wrath of God (Romans 5:9). We were not saved based on our own righteousness; rather, we were reconciled (given peace with God) even while we were enemies of God, and so we will be saved by His life (Romans 5:10).”
This hope I pray for you is not a blind hope that ignores reality but one that acknowledges, honestly, what you are facing and the questions you are wrestling with and takes them to God. Believing that He is the source of hope. That He can do that in you. In me. Because He is the God of hope.
Prayer for comfort:
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
What comfort we can find here – just in that this verse acknowledges that we will face brokenness and hurt. It’s ok to not be ok. You don’t have to pretend or mask your emotions or to not be honest about what you are walking through. God gives room for brokenness. And He meets you in it as the God of ALL comfort.
Prayer for peace:
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. … And the God of peace will be with you. Philippians 4:7-9
My prayer is that the God of peace would guard your heart and mind, miraculously, supernaturally setting your gaze and attention on what is true and right and good and lovely. That He would protect your mind and heart from fear, that He would give peace as only He can.
Prayer that you would know you are loved and not alone:
But now, this is what the Lord says— “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you,
Isaiah 43:1-4
My prayer is that you would know you are loved friend. And you are not alone. He will never leave you, not now, not ever.