Finding Hope After Stillbirth | Q&A with Jenna Hammontree
I am honored to share an interview with Jenna Hammontree about her experience with baby loss
Jenna, thank you for sharing your story with us. We are so grateful.
HI Jenna, TELL US ABOUT Your Loss.
When things don’t go how you expect...
We are so heartbroken over the loss of our sweet baby girl, Adaline Mae. But we look to Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, knowing He’s holding her now. We know God is good and He is faithful, that He is near to the broken-hearted (Psalms 34:18). That we don’t grieve as those who have no hope (1 Thessalonians 4:13). We have a hope as an anchor for our soul, firm and secure! (Hebrews 6:19).
On Monday, March 16th, 2020 we went to our weekly check-in appointment with our baby doctor. We were coming up on 38 weeks and everything looked great. Addy’s heart rate was good and I wasn’t having any issues, it was a completely healthy pregnancy. Monday night I started having some lower back pain and was starting to feel some contractions but I went to sleep and woke up and went to work Tuesday morning. I noticed contractions getting closer so we decided it was time to go in to the hospital. We expected to meet Addy within the day!
But things didn’t go how we expected... We got checked in at the hospital and the nurses immediately hooked me up to monitor Addy, but they couldn’t find her heartbeat. The doctor came in and confirmed that we had lost our precious baby. I was in labor though and we were going to proceed with the labor and delivery process. We weren’t giving up hope though and we prayed that God would restore Addy’s life upon birth.
Still, things didn’t go as we expected. Our sweet baby girl, Adaline Mae was born into the presence of God at 8:57pm on Tuesday, March 17th. The doctor said her umbilical cord was wrapped very tight around her neck. And that she had probably gone into high distress. There were signs of possible infection in the womb as well.
Addy never got to take a breath this side of heaven. But we know Addy woke up in Jesus’ arms. That even though we didn’t get to bring her home with us, she is in her eternal Home with our Heavenly Father. We are at peace knowing we will see her again one day, fully restored. God has given us a peace that transcends all understanding and we are asking for unspeakable joy, that He would turn our mourning into dancing.
We know the road ahead is not going to be easy and we are taking it one day at a time. But what we do know is this, God is good. He is already using Addy’s life to advance the Gospel. That is our prayer. That through this we would be able to tell others of His great love for us, that He never leaves us, never forsakes us. Even on the mountain and in the valley, He is with us.
We’ve been reminded of so many songs, hymns and Bible verses that have so much more meaning to us now. We also have been surrounded by prayers and encouragement from so many family and friends and are so thankful for the body of Christ to lift us up during this time. We just ask for your continued prayers as we learn to navigate what we never expected.
“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, ‘My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Psalms 91:1-2
What surprised you most about grief?
How it comes and goes. Some moments I just feel gripped with emotions. I feel so heartbroken and confused. I don’t know why our baby girl can’t be with us. But I also have moments were I’m at peace knowing she is perfectly fine in the arms of Jesus. That that is where we all want to be and will be one day. So I continue trust in our God that He is still working out all things for our good and His glory.
But I’ve realized grief can look so different than just being sad. It’s a process. Coming to terms with the loss of not only our baby girl but the loss of moments that would’ve been. So many moments and memories that are lost because she isn’t here. And realizing that it will continue to be that way. When we first lost her I said, I just want it to be a year or two down the road so I don’t have to deal with brokenness. But now I know I have to deal with it. And I will always deal with it. But that’s the process. That’s grief and that’s ok.
What has marriage and grief looked like for you? What advice would you give to a grieving couple?
We’ve drawn closer than ever before as a married couple. It’s been hard because my husband is a Youth & Music Pastor and I’m the secretary at our church so we are in the public eye a lot. But it’s also so comforting know we have a church body that is supporting us every step of the way. We are so thankful for our hope in Christ and as a married couple we continue to cling to that! We have been able to share our story with people and share God’s goodness through it all. That is our favorite thing as a couple, to minister to people. And we have this platform to continue to do that, even in our own brokenness.
My advice would be to cling to Jesus. He is our anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It’s ok to wrestle with Him and ask those why questions, but know that He will never leave you or forsake you.
Did you go back to work after your loss? What advice would you give to a mom going back to work?
Yes, I did. Looking back I think I went back too soon. Know that you can and need to take your time.
I work as a church secretary so I only work with a couple people on a daily basis, my husband and lead pastor, so it was nice that I didn’t have a lot of people around and I could cry if I needed to. If you are in a work setting where you feel comfortable, talk to your coworkers, help them realize what you are going through.
Take you time easing back in. Know you can’t do everything exactly like you did before. I had a hard time because I was used to my brain working faster and after pregnancy and loss, it just didn’t work that way anymore. Give yourself grace.
What resources have been the most encouraging or helpful to you amidst your grief?
I am very thankful for the Joyful Morning Facebook group and the podcast. I also have listened to worship music constantly; I made a playlist called Grief Relief that has helped me so much in focusing on God and who He is. Also reading His word.
Friends who have continued to reach out to me to ask how I’m doing have been so helpful and encouraging as well.
Are there any books, bible studies or bible verses that have been a source of encouragement or comfort?:
Book: It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way by Lysa Terkuerst.
Scripture: Psalm 91
Song: Yes I Will by Vertical Worship
Song: The Story I’ll Tell by Maverick City
What was the most meaningful thing done for you amidst loss? How have you been best loved?
We were gifted a piece of artwork of Jesus holding our baby girl with her name, Adaline Mae, written on it as well as the passage of Scripture with Lamentations 3:19-26.
What's one thing you wish people would ask you?
I wish more of my close friends would reach out and ask me how I’m doing. In the beginning I wish more friends would’ve asked what Addy was like and what she looked like. So many friends just wanted to avoid the subject.
What advice would you give to someone who loves a grieving mom?
I would tell them to just be there for them. Continually ask how they are doing.
What is one family tradition that you have established to remember & celebrate Addy?
Enjoying the sunsets. When we buried Addy, it was at the perfect sunset and now whenever I see beautiful sunsets, I think of her and remember her.
What encouragement would you give to another mom who is grieving?
I would tell you to just be patient with yourself and the grieving process.
It’s ok to hurt and process through that but also know you still need to enjoy the life in front of you.
you are not alone.
read more stories from real women who have experienced baby loss.
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