Parenting Babies in Heaven & Parenting a Living Baby After Being an Invisible Mother | Episode 173 with Carolyn T.

PodcastMiscarriage

Aug 25

Written By Ashlee Proffitt

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Episode 173

This week I have the joy of spending time with Carolyn T. – a mama who has experienced the excruciating pain of losing a son at 35 weeks, followed by two more painful losses. Carolyn shares with me her grief journey and how with each loss her grief looked different – offering freedom to us as grieving mothers that our grief can look different from loss to loss or just day to day, but that doesn’t mean our love for our baby has changed or has decreased or we miss them less.

Carolyn shares with me her journey of grief and finding healing and what it looked like for her to practically be a mother when her arms were empty. And then she shares with me what it was like to parent her living son after having been an invisible mother for so long.

As she spoke of the grief she experienced after her living son was born she said this: “once Patrick was born and I experienced all of the daily tasks of being a mother, I realized, wow, this is all that I've lost. And all of that just slapped me in the face. Here's a reminder of what you lost.” If you can relate to those words, listen in because Carolyn shares how she navigated that season of new grief and found healing.

I’m so grateful for this conversation and the hope and honesty Carolyn brings to the grieving mom. And all the practical ways she shares about how she practically mothers her babies in heaven.

QUESTIONS we discuss IN EPISODE 173

What surprised you most about loss and the grief journey?
What has been the most challenging aspect of this journey? What has been helpful to you as you navigated those challenges?
What has healing looked like for you? What practical steps did you take to cope and pursue healing after your losses?
What are practical ways you mother your baby(s) in heaven? What does motherhood practically look like for you now?
What has it looked like to remember and honor your baby(s) in heaven? Or to include them in the life of your family now?
Parenting after Loss: You wrote to me about the transition of parenting a living child after being an invisible parent, you said “I was overwhelmed with joy when Patrick was born. He is SUCH a gift and it felt like total bliss. There had been so much build up to his birth, wondering the whole time if he'd make it. But without realizing it, I have been intensely grieving Sebastian ever since the day Patrick was born.” Tell me more about that.
What wisdom or advice would you give to a mom who has welcomed home a living child after being an invisible parent?
How do you talk to Patrick about his brother and siblings in heaven? (I realize he’s only two, just curious what that looks like in your family?)
How do you answer the question: How many children do you have? Or Do you have any children?
What do you wish others knew and understood about loss, grief and finding healing?
If you could give someone who loves a grieving mom, one piece of advice – what would it be?

MEET Carolyn

I have been married to my wonderful husband Jamie for almost 6 years, and primarily spend my days taking care of our son Patrick. When I can manage to find some free time, I translate for two non-profits, one of which supports women who have experienced miscarriage or stillbirth and assists with the burial, bereavement, and remembrance of their babies (www.amomspeace.org). In July of 2017 our son Sebastian was stillborn at 35 weeks due to a cord accident. We then experienced two early miscarriages before Patrick was born, and we are prayerfully awaiting the birth of another boy this fall. Our dear little Sebastian continues to watch over our family, and as much as we miss him, we're grateful he's there for us.