To the Grieving Mom Hurt by Unkind Words

Apr 27

by Julia Kreutzer

Dear grieving mom,

When we go through life after loss, our walls of confidence are thin, our ears are sensitive, our hearts are vulnerable and grieving.

Even the most well-meant comment can feel like a punch in the face, take our breath and smash us to the ground, trigger anger, anxiety and fear, make us stumble and fall deep into the darkness. Coming back from those is like a recovery from an injury, and it takes energy to restore the trust and relationship to the person who said those hurtful things.

I do not want to list these words here, we all know them too well. They are meant to comfort us, to express compassion, but they have the opposite effect. Sometimes, they are not even said, but we can feel them in the air, or we are afraid of them being said and avoid conversations because of that fear. And even though we know we probably could have said similar words if we hadn't gone through this loss, they hurt, and they have the potential to create deep scars.

What I want to share with you are some good words instead – healing words. They have been said to me over the past months since my loss, and they are the ones that give me hope and comfort. I'm incredibly grateful for these words; they deserve to be amplified!

"Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body." Proverbs 16:24 [ESV]

May these words be louder than the hurtful ones, and may they help you heal. May they give you hope, and the power to forgive the ones who hurt you.

(Note: If you have a friend or partner near you, please ask them to read them aloud to you. If not, imagine me speaking them over you, slowly, with confidence, and trust. Close your eyes, open your heart, and take those words in.)

You are a mom.

You have a baby.

You will always be a mom, and your baby will always be yours.

You did the best for your baby, because you loved your baby.

The amount of time you spent together does not make you more or less of a mom. Nothing will justify the loss of your baby, nothing will replace it, and nothing will fix it. No one can take away your love, and neither your grief, for you will grief as long as you love.

I will be on your side to remember and honor your baby, they will never be forgotten. You are strong because you had to say goodbye.

You are brave for loving despite all.

You are a mom.

Read them again. Sentence for sentence. Imagine your friend, your colleague, whoever said those hurtful words to you speaking these words instead.

"Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice." Ephesians 4:31 [ESV]

When we are in doubt or fear and no one is around to comfort us, we even have to be our own best friend, and speak these words to ourselves. Instead of hanging on to the bad words, let's treasure the good ones, store them in our heart, and give them to others when they grieve.

God has given you His love, and it is yours to give, His love is endless, and so will be your love to your baby.

"We love because he first loved us." 1 John 4:19 [ESV]

Love,

A mom who understands

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Julia holds a PhD in Computational Linguistics. She is the proud mom of Joanna, who is now with God. She usually writes research papers, but believes that words of hope and faith are more powerful.

Connect with Author: https://www.instagram.com/julia.crusoe/