Letter to the Grieving Mom Wondering Where to Find Hope

May 18

Amber Weems

Dear grieving mom,

Although you may be feeling sad and lonely, you are still a mom and deserve to be celebrated. This journey is tough to say the least but there are moments and times that you will feel joy, peace, and comfort if you continue to surround yourself with positive and supportive family, friends, and loved ones. Prayer is also key in this moment because it’s what gives us the strength and power that we need to move forward even when we are angry and questioning, “Why did this happen to us?”

One thing that I have learned is that prayer doesn’t need to be long or drawn out, but often time something as simple as “Lord, please help me,” is just as powerful, or even confirming what God said in his Word, “God you said in your Word that you will never leave me nor forsake me.” Sometimes this can be difficult to do, but we must trust God in this moment and lean not to our own understanding. Psalm 147:3 reminds us that, “He healeth the broken in heart, And bindeth up their wounds” (King James Version).

Thinking back to when I first heard from the doctor that my baby had a life-limiting diagnosis. This was April 2022, and I was about 12 weeks. I was devastated to say the least. My heart was crushed, and I felt like the world had literally stopped. My boyfriend was with me, and he encouraged me in this moment that we were not trusting what the doctors were saying and that we were trusting God to heal our baby. We were at doctor’s appointments just about every other week and then it turned into a few appointments each week, along with several diagnostic tests.

From March to July, there were mixed emotions as I began to bond closely with my baby and sometimes hearing what we thought was good news at appointments to hearing devastating news. We remained hopeful and had faith that God was going to work a miracle in our baby’s life. We took professional pictures for a gender reveal, began planning for the baby shower, and ordered furniture for our sweet baby Journee’s room.

Fast forward to July 28, 2022. I began having severe abdominal pain and discomfort but never once thought I was in labor. The next day, Friday, July 29, 2022, my world changed forever. Journee was born in a matter of hours after arriving at the hospital. She lived for a few hours after I gave birth and then peacefully passed away.

In a moment where I should be celebrating and spending time with my daughter, I now found myself planning a memorial and meeting with mortuary professionals to plan for the memorial. August 17, 2022, is also a day that I will never forget because it was the day of Journee’s memorial. My close family, friends, and church family were there to support us as we honored Journee. While Journee didn’t live long, she has had an overwhelming impact on my life, and I will always remember the bond that she and I had and will always have.

Now that our babies are in Heaven, it doesn’t mean that we have to stop honoring them or speaking about them. I would strongly encourage you to do what feels most comfortable to you. I have found that sharing and connecting with other moms who have experienced loss and moms who have not experienced loss helps me to grieve and keep her a part of my life.

I was hesitant at first about therapy because I didn’t know that I would be able to express how I felt and whether it would even help. Therapy has been a huge release and has helped me understand and process grief. Now I look forward to my sessions.

We are all part of this community unfortunately but all of us have unique stories and we should continue to do what’s best for us. Your feelings are valid whether you feel lost, sad, angry, depressed, defeated and/or joy. And it’s also okay to not be okay. Yes, our lives have been changed forever, but I trust that we will one day have joy and find true happiness again.

Love, a mom who understands

Meet the Author:
Amber Weems

I'm Amber Weems from Calvert County, Maryland, a small town outside of Washington, D.C. The Joyful Mourning Community has been a blessing to me as it has allowed me to connect with other moms who have unfortunately experienced infant loss. I'm a mom to my sweet angel, Journee Jewell Claggett who passed away on July 29, 2022.