Letter to the Grieving Mom Whose Baby Died Today

Infant Loss

May 5

Stephanie Bertran Williams

Dear grieving mom,

I see you and what you’re going through. I understand the visceral pain you are feeling and the sense of despair that has come over you. At this moment, it feels like your whole world has crashed around you and there is no way out of the rubble. Even though it feels like that, I promise you that there is a lifeline waiting for you to grab it.

I hope you know that no matter how great your fear and pain are, God is greater than them.

When you feel isolated and alone in that dark pit, He is right there with you. The day my son died is etched in my mind forever. I remember being ushered to his bedside as they performed CPR and desperately tried to stop his bleeding. In that next moment, my life changed forever. I vividly remember the doctor pausing CPR to check Calvin’s heart and quietly saying, “There is no heartbeat.” My knees buckled, and as a wonderful and caring nurse guided me into a chair, I felt like my entire heart had just been ripped out of my body.

When my husband and I gathered ourselves enough to think, the first thing we did was ask for our pastor to be brought to the hospital. Every day I am grateful that asking for him was our first action. I truly believe that being able to be reminded of God’s love for us and his plan for Calvin altered how that day went for us.

I want you to know that even though you feel alone with no hope, God never leaves your side. He tells us in Isaiah 41:10 (ESV) to “fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous hand.” I intimately know the darkness you felt the moment that your child died and how alone you felt at that moment. But you are not alone. God knows what you are going through and so do many other mothers. Find those around you and be honest with your feelings. Surround yourself with those who won’t judge you for your feelings and grief but will also pray for you and with you.

Motherhood is defined as “the state of being a mother” by the Oxford Learner’s Dictionary. But how does one truly define a mother? Since Calvin was our first child, I had to come to my own conclusion on what it meant to be a mother, especially to a child who was no longer here.

Motherhood is the act of loving your child as Christ loves us. Motherhood is keeping your child’s memory alive. Motherhood is living your life in a way that you would want your precious child to have lived theirs. We become mothers from the moment a life is created in our wombs and we can never abdicate that role.

My advice to you is the simplest thing I could say: pray. You are experiencing the worst moment of your life and you cannot get through it alone. I can tell you, now that it has been two years since my son died, that it does get easier to survive each day. The pain never goes away, but your capacity to handle the grief will continue to grow each and every day. I have gained peace by reminding myself that God has promised to “wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away” (Revelation 21:4 ESV). I know you are feeling an inescapable pain, but our eternal God has promised us that from this moment on, your child will feel no more pain, sadness, tears, or sin.

Part of our roles as mothers is to do everything in our power to protect our children and give them the best life possible. There is no better life than one spent at the foot of the throne of our Lord praising him.

Love, a mom who understands

Meet the Author: Stephanie Bertran Williams

Stephanie has been married to her husband Jeremy for 7 years and they have 1 son, Calvin Luis, in heaven. They currently live in Rockville, Maryland where Stephanie teaches at the local high school. Their son Calvin was born prematurely at 23 weeks and 1 day. Against all odds and with the grace of God, Calvin lived for 5 wonderful weeks in the NICU before shedding his earthly body and becoming fully enveloped in the arms of God.

Connect with Stephanie:
Instagram: @stephaniewilliams4410

Email: stephaniewilliams7635@gmail.com