Letter to the Grieving Mom when Her Friends’ Arms Are Now Full
Nicole Bertsch
Dear Grieving Mom,
I see you and what you’re going through. I too have a hole in my heart left by my baby’s death. This is a wound we will both tend to and carry for the rest of our lives.
I know there were other women in your family or circle of friends who were pregnant the same time you were. You envisioned all your kids being friends and growing up together. Now, these women have their babies in their arms, and you do not. You love these women and their children, but you keenly feel the sting of your empty arms whenever you see them holding their babies. It is so unfair. You would do anything to be holding your baby too.
I hope you will fight against bitterness towards these women and their children. It will take nearly all the strength you have, but I encourage you to not let envy take root in your heart. We often focus on all the bad things God permits in this world, including the death of our babies.
However, we should perhaps ask the following question: “Why would God allow me to have a baby at all (or any good thing for that matter)?” God does not owe us anything, including a life free of suffering. That our lives are frequently full of good things we do not deserve is an expression of God’s grace freely given to us. Take note of these good things in order to combat envy and bitterness towards others.
Our babies' deaths will never be good things, but good things can come from the opportunities we have to grow in love, empathy, and Christ likeness through the deaths of our babies.
Motherhood means joy and grief coexisting. It is a tension through which God will help you persevere until the Day comes when all in Christ are resurrected and reunited.
Love,
A mom who understands
MEET THE AUTHOR: Nicole Bertsch
Nicole and her husband live in Indiana with their daughter and bernedoodle. They lost their first child, Sophia, to stillbirth in July 2021. Nicole works part time as a genetic counselor and enjoys reading, soccer, and spending time with her family.
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